Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. [Colossians 3:20 ESV]

Unfortunately, all too often we forget the very next verse which says:

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. [Colossians 3:21 ESV]

As parents (and specifically as fathers), God commands us not to provoke our children.  This past weekend at church, our pastor preached on this and promised to share a list of 13 ways parents provoke and discourage their kids.  As I read the list today I was convicted by a number of those things:

• Playing favorites (specifically comparing one child to another)
• Being overly critical
• Making them feel unwanted
• Excessive discipline
• Inconsistent discipline
• Rules without relationship
• Failing to adapts to their current stage of development

At some point in my parenting (maybe as recently as last night), I have been guilty to these to some extent.  I am grateful for God’s grace that forgives me and tells me that, in Him, I can do better as a man and as a father.  I would encourage you to read the whole list and grade yourself on each item.  If you feel led, comment below on where you’ve failed, and let’s begin to hold one another accountable to this command.  Here is a link to the complete listing.  Thanks to Pastor Steve Benninger of New Life Church Gahanna for putting this together.

Related posts:

1. 30 Ways to Get Connected with Your Kids
2. 22 Ways to Teach Kids HOW to Think And Not Just WHAT to Think
3. Six Ways to Persevere Through the Sluggish Times

A Tool for Parents and Student Pastors to Understand and Lead Today’s Students

The world is changing, and so are today’s teens. Any parents who feels unequipped to raise a teenager in today’s world, and any student pastor who has ever felt overwhelmed with the alarming statistics, both know parenting and leading this generation can be challenging.

Both need help. Both need a plan. Both need each other. In this 13-week study, Chap Clark (Ph.d) articulates the problem with humor and fresh insight in a way you have never heard, and gives practical solutions that will change how you relate to this generation. Whether you work with teenagers or live with them, this DVD-based study will encourage you, challenge you and better equip you to raise healthy adults in today’s world-something that is not only possible, but within your reach.

I’ve raised a teenager, and made a lot of mistakes along the way, and I have three more teenagers in my future (God willing).  I picked this resource because, as a parent, I understand the challenges that raising a teenager brings, and I am hopeful that this resource will help.  My review will hopefully be coming soon, but in the meantime you can win a free copy of join me in exploring this resource.

HERE’S HOW TO WIN:

1. Leave a comment below explaining why you would like to win.
2. Post the following on Twitter: “@stocksohio has the secret to raising teenagers!  Not really, but I entered to win something that can: http://wp.me/pN5Ju-1jw #kidmin”

I’ll pick a winner sometime next Monday, September 26.  So, get your entries in before then!

Oh, and check out all the other Orange Week bloggers (many of them are doing giveaways as well:

• Matt McKee, http://mattmckee.me
• Jared Massey, http://www.smalltownkidmin.com
• Amy Fenton Lee, http://www.theinclusivechurch.com
• Wayne Stocks, http://waynestocks.com
• Cass Brannan, http://www.cassbrannan.wordpress.com
• Anthony Prince, http://www.westcoastcm.wordpress.com
• Michael Bayne, http://www.michaelbayne.net/
• Jenny Funderburke, http://jennyfunderburke.com
• Tom Pounder, http://www.ministryblackboard.com
• Henry Zonio, http://kidminandculture.com
• Nick Blevins, http://www.nickblevins.com
• Benjamin Kerns, http://www.averageyouthministry.com
• Amy Dolan, http://www.lemonlimekids.com
• Amanda White, http://www.impressyourkids.com
• DC Curry, http://www.currystew.org/
• JC Thompson, http://jcisonline.com
• Steve Cullum, http://www.stevecullum.com
• Ben Read, http://www.intentionalstudentministry.com
• Kenny Conley, http://www.childrensministryonline.com
• Sam Luce, http://samluce.com
• RyanMillard, http://www.ryanmillard.com
• Jonathan Cliff, http://www.jonathancliff.com

Related posts:

1. SPIRITUAL PARENTING DVD CURRICULUM (A Dad in the Middle Review)
2. Parenting By The Book
3. SPIRITUAL PARENTING by MICHELLE ANTHONY (A Dad in the Middle Review)

The Cookbook will feature ideas, games, activities and lessons that you have used with your families to build Godly character at home.  These could include ways to memorize scripture (can your two year old recite the entire book of Ephesians?), ideas on worshipping as a family (maybe you’ve created a Partridge Family type worship band and tour with the kids?), family activities or outings (did you and the kids uncover the lost tomb of Lazarus?), ways you’ve tackled difficult theological questions (did you figure out a way to explain the trinity to a five year old), or anything else you’ve done to instill God and the Bible into your kids.  Seriously though, it doesn’t have to be earth shattering, if you have an idea that can help other parents, share it and let us learn from you.  The best entries, along with your name, will be published in the Seeds Family Worship Cookbook similar to a church cookbook.  If you have more than one idea, make sure you submit them all.

Remember, you only have until July 31 to get your entries in.  One thing that you can be certain of, everything that Seeds does is top notched in terms of quality and integrity.  Click on Seeds Family Worship Cookbook to submit your entry.  Oh, while there you should buy a CD or two – you won’t regret it!

Related posts:

1. 1 Timothy 4:12 (Seeds Family Worship)
2. Seeds Family Worship – A Review
3. PUT ON LOVE – Seeds Family Worship

SO, LET’S TALK ABOUT YELLING!  I think most parents yell at their kids – whether they are willing to admit it or not.  I also think that we, as parents, are very good at coming up with reasons and excuses for why we do yell at our kids.  The point of this article is not to discuss whether or not you should yell at your kids or the long-term impact that yelling may have on their lives.  No, this article is address yelling at a much more practical level than that.  My contention here is that we shouldn’t yell at our kids simply because:

YELLING DOES NOT WORK!

Whether you think it’s justified or not – whether that’s the way you were raised or not – regardless of your take on whether it is right or wrong – the fact of the matter is that yelling doesn’t work.  It does not accomplish the goals you are seeking, and for that reason alone you should resolve to stop yelling.  Let’s look at why yelling does not work.

1. Yelling sets the wrong tone for your house.

You, as the parent, should set the tone for your house.  If you have ever watched as your children mimic you, it shouldn’t be any surprise to find out that your yelling will come back to you through your kids.  One of the reasons, likely the principal reason, that your kids are acting out in the first place is because you have set a tone where over-reaction is the norm.  Your yelling actually leads to the behavior that you are yelling in reaction to.  It’s time to stop yelling and change the tone of your house from one of out-of-control yelling to an even tempered atmosphere full of love and encouragement.

2. Yelling gives your child control.

When you yell to get your child to do what you want them to do, you hand over all control of your household to them.  They learn how to push your buttons and get you to react.  They start to control the entire household through their behavior.  In your efforts to regain control of your house by controlling their behavior by being loud, you actually hand control over to them.  It’s time to remember that you are the adult and it’s time to start acting like it.  That means not reacting to a childhood tantrum with an adult tantrum.

3. Yelling is a whole lot more about you than your kids.

Think about all the excuses that you use for yelling at your kids.  They make me angry.  I don’t deserve to be treated that way.  I didn’t raise them like this.  What will people think of me if they see this?  All the common reasons are all about you.  You yell out of selfish motivations.  No matter what you tell yourself, when you yell at your kids, it is never about what is best for them, it is about what allows you to blow off some steam, and it is selfish.

4. Yelling is like throwing gasoline on an open flame.

If you walk into your kitchen and there are flames jumping up from the range, what is your initial reaction?  Would you walk out into the garage and grab the lighter fluid?  Will that make the situation any better?  Likewise, when you walk into a situation where your child is misbehaving and start to yell, you are adding accelerant to an already heated situation.  Take, for example, a situation where your child has reacted negatively to being asked to do a chore.  When you react to that by yelling, you are only copying the child’s behavior and affirming that they have reacted in an appropriate way.  On the other hand, if you react calmly to the situation, you model for your child how someone should react to a situation that they find objectionable.

5. Yelling kills the chance for conversation.

One of our roles as parents is to take advantage of teachable moments to talk to our kids and lead them spiritually.  When we start to yell, we forfeit the chance to have actual meaningful conversations with our kids.

6. Yelling does not teach the heart.

As Christian parents, our goal is to reach our child’s heart.  The external behaviors which they show come from deep within the heart.  As parents, we must show them this and lead them to the Cross of Christ for forgiveness.  Yelling is never about the heart.  It is always about the external behavior.  Even if your yelling doe produce the behavior you desire, you will never produce more than a sophisticated Pharisee by that method – a person more concerned with external appearances than inward heart issues.

7. Yelling does not convey unconditional love.

We are called to love our kids unconditionally.  Most parents would say that they do, but the way we treat them says something entirely different.  When we fall into a pattern of yelling, and our kids come to understand that the way to make it stop is to behave a certain way, they learn that your love is conditional on their behavior.  You will love them, and stop yelling, if they behave the way you want.  A child needs to know that you love them through the good times and the bad times, the good actions and the bad actions, the nice words and the means words.  They need to know that you love them no matter what and you can never love them any more or any less.  This is the way God loves us, and this is the way he wants us to love our kids.

So, next time you are in a situation with your kids where you feel yourself ready to yell, remember that it will not work, and do what you need to do to avoid yelling.  Stop and count to ten.  Remove yourself from the situation.  Pray, pray, and pray some more.  Find a better way.  Cast off what does not work in favor of a Godly model for raising kids!

Disclaimer: Nothing in this article is meant to suggest that you should not deal with the errant behavior that your child is displaying is it simply meant to dissuade you from utilizing a technique which does not work and is likely to do more harm than good.  We must desire to deal with our kids in a manner similar to the way our Heavenly Father deals with us.  We must pray for his guidance in doing that and repent when we fall short.  Our children’s behavior is a reflection of what is in their hearts, and as Christian parents, we must care more about their hearts than their behavior because God cares about most about their hearts.  As parents, God has put us in the position of shepherd and steward over our children’s spiritual development, and that is a role we must take very seriously.

Related posts:

1. The Play That Doesn’t Work
2. Helping With God’s Work in Belize
3. Kidmin Blog Madness – Making It Work For You

Time flies fast from elementary to college age, so get ready to change your parenting habits. Every child seems to move in warp speed toward the teenage years.

I was caught by surprise when a new declaration of personal independence was automatically assumed the day my son got his driver’s license. It was as though I represented an oppressive and extremely unfair regime whenever I tried to enforce any rule. (Whenever I said no to one of my teenage daughters, she would go to her bedroom, close the door and play Britney Spears’ “Overprotected” over and over again for over an hour, loud enough for me and the whole house to hear.) I have to admit, it was difficult for me to transition from parenting children to parenting teenagers. I had worked with teenagers all of my life, but I had never actually had any living in my home. I am still a recovering parent of teens, but here are a few things I have recognized about this chapter of parenting:

It’s a complicated time.

While your children are transitioning from being dependent to independent, you are transitioning as a parent from having authority to leveraging your influence. You can’t parent them the same way you did when they were in elementary school.

It’s an urgent time.

Face it. You know a window is closing fast. Ready or not, in a few short years your children will be leaving home. You are running out of time, and it is easy to feel a little panicked. Everything seems to matter more (grades, decisions, relationships). And to make matters worse, everything costs more too. Have I mentioned the price of college these days? Feeling better?

Keep fighting for your teenager’s emotional health by investing in relational time with them. Especially during this uncertain season, they need a positive relationship with you more than you or they may realize. Here are a few things to remember that might help you make the time you spend with your teenager more meaningful:

1. Find a common activity you can both enjoy.

Go to favorite restaurant, movie, or concert. Discover a hobby or a type of recreation you can do together. Find common interests. It only takes a few.

2. Make sure there is no agenda.

They will see right through a masked motive and interpret your effort to hang out as manipulation. Don’t forget. This is about building your relationship. So don’t use this time to deal with issues. Guard the fun.

3. Keep it outside the house.

You probably already spend most of your time together in your home. It can be full of duties, responsibilities, and distractions, so get out and do something that is a contrast to your normal routine.

4. Do it without friends.

Anyone you add to your time will drastically change the dynamic. Give your teenager individual and undivided attention, without your friends or their friends, and even without siblings.

5. Mutually agree to turn off cell phones.

Make at least part of your time a no-electronic zone. Phones have a way of distracting you from meaningful and engaging dialogue.

6. Put it on the schedule (but not on a Friday).

Be sensitive to how a teenager wants to organize his or her life. Discover the rhythm that exists in their schedule and agree with them on the best times to hang out.

7. Stay flexible (and be willing to reschedule frequently).

A teenager’s world is always changing. They could feel trapped if you are rigid about your scheduled time with them. Don’t let your time with them become a competition with their other interests and priorities. Avoid making them choose between you and something else they really want to do.

8. Remember your goal is not to change them.

Avoid getting into conversations where you are trying to correct or improve a behavior. Save those conversations for another time. You can shut down a positive experience if you try to leverage it to fix something.

9. Keep working at it.

Learning to communicate with those you love can be awkward at times. Strive to ask the right kind of questions and listen more than you talk. You are not trying to become your teen’s best friend, but you are laying an important foundation for the kind of friendship you want to enjoy with them during their adult years.

10. Use it as an opportunity to give your teenager approval.

I’m amazed at how many adults left home without ever really feeling like their parents believed in them. Look for numerous opportunities to encourage their specific strengths and skills.

Having fun and spending quality time together is increasingly important as your relationship with your child changes. This week, find out what kind of activities your teenager likes, and schedule some intentional time together when you can simply enjoy being together.

And if you have other tips you’ve discovered about spending time with a teenage son or daughter, please post them in the comments so we can all learn from our shared experiences.

Related posts:

1. FAITHWEAVER PARENT CLASS (A Dad in the Middle Review)

1. Hugs and kisses after a long day at work, or before bedtime, or just because.
2. The cute things they say that make you smile from ear to ear.
3. When God speaks through them into my life.
4. Hearing “I love you Daddy.”
5. Seeing their face when they open that present that they really want.
6. Having the opportunity to model God the father in their lives.
7. Cuddling on the couch and watching a movie.
8. Watching them grow and learn.
9. Listening to their stories.
10. Seeing the world through their eyes.

Thanks to Joshua (17), Jacob (9), Lyndsey (7) and Nathan (3).  They are the inspiration for this post!  This picture is from a couple of years ago.  It’s amazing how hard it is to get pictures of all six of us together.

What would you add?  Leave a comment below.  Moms are welcome to comment too!

Related posts:

1. The Most Important Things You Can Ever Say to a Child
2. 5 Things Kids Must Know About Sin (Children’s Ministry Think Tank)
3. 15 Things I Learned from Vacation Bible School

Brief Synopsis: Check out this list of seven things you should be telling your own kids, and those in your ministry, as much as possible.

Click here to read the entire article!

You can find all the articles I’ve published on Ministry-to-Children.com at this page.

Related posts:

1. Do You Know Whether Your Child is Saved?
2. 15 Things I Learned from Vacation Bible School
3. 5 Things Kids Must Know About Sin (Children’s Ministry Think Tank)

7. Explain that God gives us gifts as a stewardship and it is a students job to develop those gifts and use them.

God gives different gifts to different people, and there is no doubt that he has given each of us gifting in different areas.  That is why some students excel in math and others excel in the area of language arts.  We have a responsibility to God to develop our minds, but we have a extra duty to develop those areas where God has gifted us.  The Bible tells us that God gave us our gifts to be a blessing to other people.  Unfortunately, many schools teach to the lowest common denominator and kids tends to breeze easily through those subjects and classes where they are naturally gifted.  As students, your goal should not to be merely to “get by” or “even make good grades.”  Your goal should be to excel and continue to grow in those areas where God has gifted you.  As Christian parents, our job is to continue to challenge our kids in those areas that they find “easy” so they continue to grow in those areas.

8. Word pictures are great for describing our relationship with God.

For example, ME + GOD – ME = EVERYTHING.   The Bible is full of word pictures.  Think of every parable Jesus told in the new testament as a word picture for the Kingdom of God.  It was one of his favorite teaching techniques.  Not surprisingly then, it is also effective in teaching kids about the Bible, and where else do they come across word pictures frequently?  That’s right, in there homework – the dreaded math word problem.  Some kids love ‘em, others – not so much.  However, helping kids to excel at picturing problems presented in words will reap great rewards when it comes to processing the word pictures presented in the Bible.

9. Use homework as a chance to teach cognitive thinking.

In other words, go further.  The homework your child is assigned at school may very well focus on rote memorization and identification of patterns.  Take it one step further with your child.  Ask them questions that go beyond the assignment.  Ask them how things make them feel.  Ask them how they would apply what they are learning to their everyday life.  All of the skills developed through these types of exercises will eventually help you child to go through the same process with their faith, and in the end, develop a much deeper – much more sustainable faith.

10. Spend time with your child helping with his or her homework.

Deuteronomy 6 is an oft quoted chapter of the Bible in Children’s Ministry circles these days, and there is a reason for it.  It is one of the most concise descriptions in the Bible of a parent’s responsibility for the spiritual development of their children.  Here is what it says:

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.  [Deuteronomy 6:5-9 ESV]

Did you catch the common denominator (pardon the math language, that was one of my gifts) in all the situations there – when you sit in your home; when you walk by the way; and when you lie down?  They all involve spending time with your kids.  It should go without saying, but in order to speak into the lives of your kids, you have to spend time with them.  What better way to spend time than helping them with something they have to get done anyone.  If you don’t know what they’re doing in school, look at it as an opportunity to learn together. So many parents, inexplicably if you ask me, view homework as an inconvenience.  Instead, turn it into quality (and quantity) time spent with your kids.  Plan for it.  Set aside time for it.  Make it a pattern in your lives, and the lives of your kids, that you are going to sit down with them each day, review the homework they have done, and help with the homework they have not yet completed.

There you have ten ways, some easy and some not so easy, to use your child’s homework as a way of pointing them to God.  I hope you will pick one or two and use them with your child.  If you do, please leave a comment below and let me know.  Or, if you have others ways or other things that you have done, please let me know that too.

Related posts:

1. Homework, A Devotional Time?? – Part 2
2. Homework, A Devotional Time??
3. Does Quality Time Always Have to Be Spiritual Time?

4. Show them God’s creativity in their homework.

It is very easy to let homework become a drain.  What is the Pythagorean theorem?  What is the formula for gravity?  There is a whole lot of information out there and more word problems that you can shake a stick at.  Help your child to see where it all comes from.  God precisely tuned the universe to work exactly the way it does.  Go decided the sum of two squares in a right triangle would be equal in length to third side.  God gave people the creativity to write the classics.  And, God gave us the ability to understand it all.  Sit back and ponder the enormous creative power of God in creating everything that you are studying.  Parents, rather than lamenting the lack of God in public school, help your child to understand how God fits into what they are learning.  After all, the Bible says that we as parents are ultimately responsible for the spiritual development of our kids, not Mr. Jones in 2nd period geometry.

5. Explain how they can use their homework as a means of mission to reach other kids.

The last thing Jesus said to his disciples before the ascension was to go and make disciples of all nations.  So often, we teach kids about missions to 3rd world countries and ignore the mission field that they are bussed to five days a week.  Encourage your child to do well in their studies so that they can help other students with their homework.  What better way to share the love of Jesus with a struggling student than to help them out in subjects where they are struggling.

6. Use tests as an example of how God sharpens our faith.

Ah, the dreaded test.  It has been the stumbling block for thousands upon thousands of students throughout the ages.  “I just don’t test well,” is a well tried refrain.  However, testing is part of life and not just the student life.  We are all tested in many ways.  We are tested in our spiritual walk as well.  Consider Psalm 17:3.

You have tried my heart, you have visited me by night, you have tested me, and you will find nothing; I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress. [Psalm 17:3 ESV]

A similar sentiment is expressed in Psalm 66:10:

For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried.  [Psalm 66:10 ESV]

In Zechariah 13:9, God says that he will test his people:

And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The LORD is my God.’”  [Zechariah 13:9 ESV]

Psalm 105:19 tells us that we are tested by God’s word:

…until what he had said came to pass, the word of the LORD tested him. [Psalm 105:19 ESV]

Such testing is not limited to the Old Testament.  Consider the following passage from 1 Peter:

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith–more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire–may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  [1 Peter 1:6-7 ESV]

The Bible prescribes testing for spiritual leaders:

And let them also be tested first; then let them serve as deacons if they prove themselves blameless.  [1 Timothy 3:10 ESV]

So, what is the point of all this?  How can you turn studying a forthcoming test into a devotional time? First, encourage your child to pray for God’s wisdom and help.  Secondly, explain that testing is part of life, and just like school tests which we have to prepare for, we should always be prepared for spiritual testing.

Come back tomorrow for the final four ideas.

Related posts:

1. Homework, A Devotional Time?? – Part 3
2. Homework, A Devotional Time??
3. Does Quality Time Always Have to Be Spiritual Time?

With the beginning of school comes the inevitable joy and smiling of kids as they…..wait a minute.  That’s not it.  Maybe it is at your house, but for us school brings a bag of mixed emotions.  There is some excitement.  New school supplies are cool for a little while.  It’s good to kids to see friends again that the kids haven’t seen for several months, and there is even a little bit of excitement about new teachers and lockers and desks and such.  But then, there is grumbling.  Things like getting up before the sun and homework which seemed like distant memories such a few short weeks ago have once again become part of the daily routine.  So, what is a parent to do?  Here are ten ways you can help your child’s homework time become a devotional time without them even knowing it.  Sneaky, I know, but I prefer Jim Wideman’s approach to family devotions.  I’m pretty sure it was in one of his books (if not, I’ll give him the credit anyhow – he probably deserves it) that I read that he doesn’t believe in “traditional” family devotionals.  He postulates that if you are living your faith out in front of your kids you don’t need to manufacture devotional times (my words, not his, but I hope a decent summary).  He’s right, too.  As parents, we shouldn’t make following God something that we restrict to a set family devotional time.  Rather, it should be part of our daily lives, and homework is no different.

Over the next couple of days, we are going to look at ten ways to redeem homework time for God.  So, here we go.

1. Explain to your children that God gave them their mind and it is his desire that they use it.

We were all created by God in his image.  He gave us our creativity.  He gave us our giftings.  He gave us our physical bodies, and he gave us our minds.  He tells us in Mark 12:30 to love him with all of our heart, soul, strength,  and MIND!  Surely he did not give us our mind to allow it to shrivel up and become useless.  Explain to kids that God gave us our minds (good and bad), and it is his desire that we would continue to plant and cultivate our minds.  It is his will for us that we would continue to exercise our minds much in the same way that we exercise our bodies.

2. Explain that God created us to be “questioners.”

God did not create us just to accept what we are told.  One of the verses that was instrumental in bringing me to Christ was 1 Thessalonians 5:21 which says:

Test everything: Hold fast to what is good. [1 Thessalonians 5:21 ESV]

Here was a faith inviting me to question it, and question it I would.  Funny thing about God, he can stand the questions because he speaks the truth.  When kids are doing schoolwork, it is easy to fall into the Joe Friday trap of “Just the facts, Ma’am.”  Go beyond that.  Help them the challenge what they know (in a respectful way of course).  Help them to ask the “Why” and “How” questions that help learning move from the accumulation of facts to the synthesis and application of knowledge.

3. Explain that God chose their schools and their teachers.

God puts us exactly where he wants us to be.  Furthermore, he puts people in positions of authority in our lives (including teachers) just as he deems fit.  In Romans, Paul writes:

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience. [Romans 13:1-5 ESV]

Despite how your child may feel about school or his/her teachers, you must help them to understand that God has put them there for a reason.  He has selected the people who run the school and your child’s teachers as authority figures in their lives, and as Romans 13:7 explains:

Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed. [Romans 13:7 ESV]

Help your child to understand that you don’t have to agree with someone, or even like someone, to show them respect.  We show respect because God has ordained it, not because we feel like people deserve it.

Come back tomorrow for three more ways to make homework time a devotional time.

Related posts:

1. Homework, A Devotional Time?? – Part 3
2. Homework, A Devotional Time?? – Part 2
3. Does Quality Time Always Have to Be Spiritual Time?

Brief Synopsis: Cullen has put together on online preschool for parents of homeschoolers and those who want to supplement another preschool experience for their kids. In this article, I review that product.

Click here to read the entire article!

You can find all the articles I’ve published on Ministry-to-Children.com at this page.

Related posts:

1. God’s Kids Communication Network VBS – A Review
2. Seeds Family Worship – A Review
3. The Most Important Things You Can Ever Say to a Child

Brief Synopsis: Based on a sermon preached by my pastor, this article looks at 10 tips for parenting biblically based on a verse which may not always be associated with fatherhood.  I think this verse has great potential to impact fathers and how they raise their kids.

Click here to read the entire article!

You can find all the articles I’ve published on Ministry-to-Children.com at this page.

Related posts:

1. A Collection of Verses for Fathers
2. What Is Children’s Ministry Supposed to Be?
3. The Most Important Things You Can Ever Say to a Child

Spurgeon wrote:

In this simple way, by God’s grace, a living testimony for truth is always to be kept alive in the land—the beloved of the Lord are to hand down their witness for the gospel, and the covenant to their heirs, and these again to their next descendants. This is our first duty, we are to begin at the family hearth: he is a bad preacher who does not commence his ministry at home. The heathen are to be sought by all means, and the highways and hedges are to be searched, but home has a prior claim, and woe unto those who reverse the order of the Lord’s arrangements. To teach our children is a personal duty; we cannot delegate it to Sunday school teachers, or other friendly aids; these can assist us, but cannot deliver us from the sacred obligation; proxies and sponsors are wicked devices in this case: mothers and fathers must, like Abraham, command their households in the fear of God, and talk with their offspring concerning the wondrous works of the Most High. Parental teaching is a natural duty—who so fit to look to the child’s well-being as those who are the authors of his actual being? To neglect the instruction of our offspring is worse than brutish. Family religion is necessary for the nation, for the family itself, and for the church of God. By a thousand plots Popery is covertly advancing in our land, and one of the most effectual means for resisting its inroads is left almost neglected, namely, the instruction of children in the faith. Would that parents would awaken to a sense of the importance of this matter. It is a pleasant duty to talk of Jesus to our sons and daughters, and the more so because it has often proved to be an accepted work, for God has saved the children through the parents’ prayers and admonitions. May every house into which this volume shall come honour the Lord and receive his smile.

Why is this entry startling? Spurgeon originally published this devotional in Evening by Evening in 1868 over 140 years ago.  It seems that the recent push towards “family ministry” and recapturing the home as the center of child’s spiritual development is not such a new idea after all.  Nearly 150 years ago, Spurgeon identified parents abdicating their role as the spiritual guides of their kids as fundamental “for the nation, for the family itself, and for the church of God.”  As parents, we would do well to remember Spurgeon’s admonition that:

He is a bad preacher who does not commence his ministry at home.

Related posts:

1. PART 3 of 4 – FORMATIONAL CHILDRENS MINISTRY by IVY BECKWITH (A Dad in the Middle Review)
2. PART 4 of 4 – FORMATIONAL CHILDRENS MINISTRY by IVY BECKWITH (A Dad in the Middle Review)
3. PART 2 of 4 – FORMATIONAL CHILDRENS MINISTRY by IVY BECKWITH (A Dad in the Middle Review)

We were preparing for a family outing to go to dinner with my niece and nephew and their kids for the fourth birthday of my great-nephew.  We had a fairly lazy stay-at-home Saturday morning and afternoon following a hectic week of VBS at church, so we all needed to shower and get ready to head to dinner.  My wife had finished her shower and was getting ready, then I hopped into the shower to get ready myself.  As I headed down the stairs to put my shoes on and head out the door to go to dinner, that’s when it all started.  I started through my pre-leaving mental checklist (yes, I’m a list person):

• Is Lyndsey (my seven year old) ready? Check.
• Has Jacob brushed his teach (he’s a nine-year-old boy and proper dental hygiene is not high on his list of priorities)? Check.
• Is Nathan dressed and ready to go?

…What?

…Where is Nathan?

…I thought he was with you.

…No, you were going to get him dressed!

Up until this point, this was a fairly routine exchange in my house.  It’s true what they say about younger kids in your family.  By the time you get to number four, you tend to be a lot less over-protective, and a constant line of sight to your kids is no longer considered a necessity. But, this day things took a turn for the worse.  We began to yell for Nathan, but there was no answer.  For the first couple of minutes, I was pretty sure that he was just playing with us, but like most three-year-olds, he doesn’t generally stay hidden for long.  So, after a few minutes of no response, I started to worry a little bit.  The next 20 minutes I can only describe as pure unadulterated terror.  As a parent, I can’t imagine anything more terrifying than losing your child.   Possibilities start to swirl around your head, and any one of them would spark enough nightmares for a lifetime.  On top of all that, I had just read an article the prior day about a little boy who wandered from his home and found dead a couple of days later less than a mile from his house.  After about 15-20 minutes of me searching every inch of the house and my wife, kids and neighbors search franticly outside, I ran to the basement to look around one more time.  By this time I was convinced that, if Nathan was in the house, he most definitely hurt and couldn’t call back.  And, if it gives you some context, that was the best case scenario in my head.  As I started to move boxes and search through the storage area yelling, I heard a faint sound.  What was that?!?  Did I really hear something, or was my head playing tricks on me? Then I heard it again:

Here I am Daddy.

Sweeter words have never been heard.  It turns out that Nathan had decided to hide because he thought he was going to be in trouble for not getting ready when he was told, and let me tell you that for a three year old he hid pretty well.

After all the ruckus died down, I started to reflect on the whole incident a little bit.  I realized that as fearful and helpless as I felt in those moments, God was always in control.  As Nathan’s earthly father, I do all I can to protect, but ultimately his fate rests entirely in the hands of his heavenly father.  Leave it to God to take something that nearly ripped my heart from my chest and use it to teach me something about my own spiritual journey.  You know what?  That’s one of the things I love about my heavenly father.

Related posts:

1. What Do You Want to Be Known For? (Another Jacob Moment)
2. Children's Ministry Moment #1 – Outdoor Guy
3. Where Did You Say He Was From (Children's Ministry Moment #4)

Brief Synopsis: I originally wrote this for Father’s Day, but Dad’s should keep this verses in mind 365 days a year!

Click here to read the entire article!

You can find all the articles I’ve published on Ministry-to-Children.com at this page.

Related posts:

1. The Most Important Things You Can Ever Say to a Child
2. Cullen’s ABC’s Online Preschool Program – A Review
3. The Art of Prayer (By My 2 Year Old)

The Problem / The Need

Every good product serves a need or solves a problem.  Here is the problem we are going to talk about today – Facebook has become a bit of an institution in our society.  More and more people join every day, and that means more and more kids are exposed to Facebook every day.  And let’s face it, Facebook is fun!  It’s fun to connect with people, there are plenty of cool games to play, and keeping up on trendy things is just generally fun.  That means kids will also want to be involved, and the problem for them is that Facebook does not allow pre-teens to be members.  In reality, I do not actually view the fact that pre-teens are not allowed on Facebook as  a “problem” because I don’t think most kids under 13 should be on Facebook to begin with, but it does present a problem from the kids’ standpoint as they increasingly desire to enjoy the same internet driven social networking that their parents and friends are using.  For parents who have signed their kids up for Facebook when they are not yet 13, there was an interesting discussion on CMConnect.org about the implications of allowing kids to lie about their age in order to obtain access to the site.  That alone should give us pause for concern as Christian parents.

The Solution

Fortunately, there is a great new Facebook alternative called Togetherville.com which was designed specifically for kids.  It allows kids to experience all the benefits of Facebook (games, videos, social networking) in a safe environment which is totally controlled by their parents.  I’ve signed my kids up, and they love it.  Togetherville is a social networking site designed specifically for kids.  Here is what Togetherville has to say about it’s product:

In Togetherville, children learn much more than computer skills. They learn how to use technology to connect with the important people in their lives – safely. And those important people show them how to act responsibly online. Whether a parent, aunt, grandparent or family friend, take this role seriously and participate in the online neighborhoods of kids in your life.

How Does it Work? How Do I Get Started?

Parents sign in to Togetherville using their Facebook account.  Once signed in, a parent can create an account for each of their children.  While parents use their Facebook username and password to sign in, children never actually interact with Facebook when using Togetherville.  Each child is given a unique username and a password that allows them to sign in to Togetherville.  Both the username and password are determined by the parent.  Parents set up and maintain total control of their kids’ online profiles and friends.

An Explanation of Togetherville Friends

The idea of friends in Togetherville works very similarly to Facebook.  Kids can see what their friends are doing, what they’ve posted and interact with them online.  There are two dsitinct differences from Facebook though.  First, friends are limited to those people specifically approved by parents.  As far as I can tell, the only people your kids can choose to have as friends are your friends from Facebook, and their kids to the extent that they have registered them for Togetherville.  In other words, if someone is your friend on Facebook (and has joined Togetherville), you can add that person as your child’s friend.  If those Facebook friends of yours have added their own children to Togetherville, you can also add those kids as your children’s friends (and your own friends as well). So, my children and I are all friends with a number of my nieces and nephews because I am friends with their parents.  If I haven’t muddled that explanation too much, the other major difference between friends in Togetherville and on Facebook is that your interactions (comments, statuses, gifts, etc.) are limited to a set of messages pre-approved by Togetherville.  Unlike Facebook, you do not have unlimited options when it comes to setting your status or leaving comments.  That way, you don’t have to worry about your child reading anything inappropriate on Togetherville.

What can you do on Togetherville?

In addition to just having friends, there are a number of additional things you can do on Togetherville.  Rather than re-create the wheel, here is what the Togetherville site has to say about its other activities (I borrowed their graphics as well – I assume they won’t mind).

Play Games – Super fun or super educational, Togetherville games are kid-size and ad free. Kids can save their favorites, earn points by playing, and see how they rank against their friends!

Create Artwork – Self-expression is an important part of being a child. In Togetherville, kids can design logos, cards and collages to display on their profile or share with friends and family.

Watch Videos – Kids have fun (and maybe even learn a thing or two!) checking out videos from The Electric Company to stop-motion animation! All video content is pre-screened to be safe and age-appropriate!

Say “Hi!” – Drop-down text messages, called “quips”, express thoughts and feelings and allow kids to safely comment on each others’ game scores and creative work and send messages to grownups. Kids can even suggest their own for future use.

Here is what I can tell you about each of these activities based upon my own experience and that of my kids.  The games are a hit – plain and simple!  My kids were mostly interested in Facebook in the first place for the games, and they have found Togetherville to be suitable replacement.  I haven’t had a chance to play any of them myself, but they look fun from peering over my kids’ shoulders.  My daughter loves crafts.  She always has, and she loves the artwork feature of Togetherville.  Kids get to create their own masterpieces and send them to their friends.  I can always tell when my daughter has been on Togetherville because I get a copy of her latest artwork.  As a parent, I have the option of showing off those works of art on my own Facebook wall.  The videos on Togetherville are a nice alternative to sites like YouTube because they have been filtered, and you can rest assured that they are age appropriate.

How much does Togetherville cost?

Oh, that’s the great part.  It’s free!  I did notice that there is now an allowance feature where you can buy “T-Bills” to give to your kids as an allowance.  Although I’ve not had an opportunity to explore these new “T-Bills” (the feature wasn’t active when I did my research for this review), it appears that these T-Bills may unlock additional features for the site.  While I wish the entire site were free, I understand the need to make some money off of this endeavor, and I actually appreciate that they went this route rather than include a bunch of advertising on the site geared towards kids.

Would I Recommend It?

I would, and have, recommend it to parents and pre-teen kids.  Thus far, a number of my nieces and nephews have joined the site which only adds to the fun for my kids.  Rather than viewing social networking as evil, I think we, as parents, must embrace it as part of our kids’ future.  Togetherville is a fun, and safe, way of allowing our kids to explore that world while still under our protection.  And, it seems to me, that is exactly what our job as parents is.  As a parents, I also appreciate that the people at Togetherville have not created a site intended solely for kids to retreat from their family life.  Instead, Togetherville encourages parents and kids to interact in a way which does not replace traditional interaction but supplements it.  Togetherville is still a relatively new entity, and I do not know what the future holds, I hope that it takes off like Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites.  For now though, I wholeheartedly and unashamedly recommend it.

Related posts:

1. CONNECT WITH YOUR KIDS – By Jim Wideman (A Dad in the Middle Review)
2. FAITHWEAVER PARENT CLASS (A Dad in the Middle Review)
3. Dad in the Middle – The Year in Review

The new small group curriculum, which launches this fall in churches around the country, is part of Group’s FaithWeaver^® line of resources, which includes classes for all ages and has been successfully used in more than 25,000 churches nationwide since 1999. While parents are attending their small group, their children attend classes designed for them. Each week, everyone studies and discusses the same Bible point at an age-appropriate level.

“For example,” says [Christine] Yount Jones [executive editor of Children’s Ministry magazine], “one week the children might learn how they can rely on God. At the same time, the parents are taught how to help their children rely on God. Parents learn how to do this in practical ways and share ideas with other parents in their group. Now they can go home and weave faith teaching into their children’s lives throughout the week, focusing on this particular area.”

The curriculum for this fall includes topics like selfishness versus selflessness, showing kindness, seeking wisdom, faithfulness and relying on God.  Each quarter, Group will release a new similarly formatted curriculum with a new set of Bible points.  I am a big fan of much the Group Publishing puts out, and I was excited to review this new curriculum.

The “Bible Point” of the sample lesson I reviewed was “We can rely on God.”  Each lesson includes a FaithWeaver Parent Leader Guide ($9.99) and a FaithWeaver Parent Handbook ($5.29).  The Parent Class is based on the same verses and principles taught throughout the FaithWeaver series.  This puts parents on the same page of their kids thereby equipping them to be a spiritual leader in their own homes.

In addition to the Parent Leader Guide and Parent Handbook, the sample I was provided also included the teacher’s guide and student books for Pre-K & K and Grades 3 & 4 to allow me to review how the different classes work together.

The Parent Lesson is presented in the following sequence:

1. Getting Started
2. Bible Exploration
3. Weaving Faith Into Families

The Leader Guide includes additional background on the Bible lesson for that week to help leaders learn the story and spend some time reflecting with God on the lesson.

The Getting Started portion of the lesson focuses on getting parents in small groups discussing their children.  For example, in this lesson parents are divided based on the age of their kids and asked to discuss times when their kids need to rely on something and in what areas their kids most need to rely on God.  The Leader in these groups serves much more as a facilitator than a teacher.  Their principal role is to get parents talking in their small group and guide them to specific questions in the parent handbook to discuss.

The Bible Exploration section of the group encourages parents, within their small groups, to read the Bible verse and discuss it amongst themselves.  Parents are also asked to consider and discuss how the verses relate to their family.  The “Weaving Faith Into Families” section of the lesson is a “hands-on” activity driven portion of the class.  In the sample I was provided parents were blindfolded and made to rely on their partner to guide them and paired up to participate in some role playing to help them remember a method for encouraging their kids to rely on God.  The parent handbook also includes some background on the week’s lesson, discussion questions, a place for parents to take notes, faith talk starters, and suggestions for prayer starters.

I believe that the strengths of this class include:

• It equips parents to discuss the week’s lesson with their kids.
• It integrates well with the lessons for kids of all ages.
• It is highly driven by conversation and small groups which will help participants to build relationships with other parents.  The benefit of that can last well past the individual lesson.
• It forces parents to actually participate.  This is a great feature for those of us who tend to cower in the corner during small group times.
• The point of the lesson each week is clear.
• It includes a different Bible story each week for parents to discuss.

There are some weaknesses to this curriculum as well (Note: these are based on my review of one sample lesson and may not be representative of the whole curriculum):

• I thought the parent class (at least for the lesson I reviewed) was very light on Bible.  While the point is certainly Biblical, that we should rely on God, I felt like the Bible story itself seemed a little downplayed.
• While I think this curriculum will allow parents to discuss the lesson where there kids, I am not certain that it will allow parents to take their kids deeper into the lesson.

You can get more information about the whole FaithWeaver series at http://sundayschool.group.com/faithweaver.  While there, you can register to receive a free sample of the Parent Leader Guide and you can review it for yourself.

In the interest of full disclosure, I was provided a free sample copy of a sample lesson for purposes of completing this review.  That has not in way impacted the content of this review.

Related posts:

1. CONNECT WITH YOUR KIDS – By Jim Wideman (A Dad in the Middle Review)
2. TOGETHERVILLE.COM (A Dad in the Middle Review)
3. Surviving and Thriving as a Parent During the Teenage Years

• Talk from D6 conference
• VisionaryParenting.com
• Rainer – What percentage of people who say they’re Christian and can explain the basics of the gospel? 
  • Before 1946: 65%
  • Between 1946-1964: 35%
  • Between 1965-1976 15%
  • Between 1976-1994: 4%
• Evangelism and discipleship in crisis, and it’s a generational crisis
• Not a crisis of the church, but a crisis of the home
• Up until 1900, no confusion in church about who’s job it was to pass faith on to kids
• Starting in late 1890’s new experiment – age segregated, church building based evangelism and discipleship to kids
  • Failed experiment
  • New in context of Christian history
  • Since 1900, no generation with more faith than their parents
• Conclusions
  • Key work we have to do is theological
  • Three theological foundations
    • The biblical purpose of parenting and grand-parenting is to impress the hearts of children with a love for God.
      • Authentic real community happens in families
      • God’s discipleships groups – called families
    • The biblical purpose of parenting and grand-parenting is to impress the hearts of children with a love for God.
    • God has designed the family as an essential engine of world evangelization through the power of multi-generational faithfulness
      • Families continue to raise up multi-generational followers of God
  • Taught up to 1900’s as Theology of Families
• If can’t prove it theologically, then it’s just another new idea
• Next section of talk is biblical support for three theological foundations.  For more info and support, see http://visionaryparenting.com/documents/the%20family%20and%20gods%20plan%20for%20the%20world.doc

Related posts:

1. What Matters Now in Children’s Ministry – Sufficiency Dr. Rob Rienow
2. Collaborate: Family + Church (A Synopsis of Chapters 28 – 35)
3. CM TeleSummit – Technology Tidbits – Jeremy Collins

About the Book

The quip on the back of the book describes its purpose quite clearly:

Jim Wideman has put together a practical resource to help us slow down and ensure that we are establishing the types of connections with our kids that will allow us to disciple them and help them to establish a Biblical worldview.

About the Author

Jim Wideman is a fixture in the Children’s Ministry community as the author of numerous book, a frequent conference speaker, a mentor and a prolific blogger.  I’ve made no secret that I am a huge fan of his work.  He offers sounds advice in an engaging way, and I was excited to get my hands on this book.

Brother Jim starts this book with a history of how he came to be in children’s ministry in the first place.  Years ago, he was working in children’s ministry when he was asked to cover the children’s ministry.  He began to pray that God would raise someone up with a vision for the children’s ministry, and much to his surprise, the person God raised up was him.  He explains:

“Over the years I’ve tried to quit so many times that it’s not even funny. But I can’t – I just can’t rid of that vision.  Ministering to children is the driving force of my life.”

And, thank goodness for that.  For decades now, he had spoken into the lives of children and those of us who work with children, and this book is no exception.  One of the other things that resonates with me about Jim Wideman is that he is also a father, and by all accounts a very good one.  He has two grown girls and unashamedly explains that is he reaches every child in the world but not his own, he will be a failure.  As a father of four, this resonates with me.

Brief Review of the Book

Teaching Our Kids to Be Problem Solvers

The first chapter in this book starts by defining the two types of people in this world.  There are people who see a problem and wait for someone to solve it – the followers.  The second group of people are leaders, and this is the type of person we should strive for our children to be.  The book starts with an explanation of what a leader is.  Jim offers a great concise definition:

“A leader is a person who comes face-to-face with any type of challenge or problem and solves it.  He or she looks to God’s Word for directions and approaches the situation by faith.  As a result, this person can handle anything.”

He then proceeds to offers some of the signs to look for in a leader/problem solver:

• Choosing your problem
• Having the right attitude
• Training through adversity
• Looking for Biblical examples

As parents, we should strive to teach our kids how to be problem solvers.

Rooting Our Children in the Things of God

From there, he moves into the things we can do as parents to make sure our kids “are established in the things of God.”  By doing so, we will give them the tools to make decisions and develop a biblical worldview.  As much as I would like to share the details of each of these steps, for purposes of this review, I will just list them.  I encourage you to get the book and delve further into each step.  With that said, here are the 12 steps Brother Jim offers to root our children in the things of God:

1. Make Jesus the king of your household
2. Love your spouse the way you want your kids to love their spouse
3. Spend time with your kids
4. Be consistent in discipline
5. Allow your children to be different as God has created them
6. Encourage your kids to develop their unique giftings
7. Become a student of your child’s world
8. Admit your mistakes and correct it when you’re wrong
9. Talk to your kids about everything
10. Make your home somewhere that your kids’ friends are welcome
11. Don’t teach your children to be rebellious by rebelling against authority yourself
12. Don’t exasperate your children

What makes this book great is more than just this list.  For each items in the list, Jim offers detailed and practical advice on how to accomplish it.

My Recommendation

I have already hinted at it.  OK. OK.  I’ve already come right out and said it.  If you are a parent, or someone who works with kids, you should read this book.  If you are in a position in children’s ministry to recommend a book to the parents of kids in your ministry, this would be a great one.  Jim Wideman is a great resource when it comes to the things of children’s ministry, and this book proves that he is equally adept at providing advice to parents on raising their kids.  Buy this book.  Read it.  Read it again.  Make lists of the suggestions in this book, and find a way to implement them in your own life.  If you do, you will be a better parent, a better person and a better follower of Christ.

Related posts:

1. GOD’S KIDS WORSHIP DVDs (A Dad in the Middle Review)
2. GOD’S KIDS WORSHIP MODERN CD 3-PACK (A Dad in the Middle Review)
3. THE BIG GOD STORY by MICHELLE ANTHONY (a Dad in the Middle Review)

Brief Synopsis

I love talking to kids!  I really do.  It just comes naturally, but I know that is not the case for all people.  In this article I offer a list of 100 conversation starters in a variety of categories that you can use to start talking to kids.

Click here to read the entire article!

You can find all the articles I’ve published on Ministry-to-Children.com at this page.

Related posts:

1. Talking to Kids About Death
2. Why the Worship Music You Use With Kids is Critical!
3. Who Made God? (Questions Kids Ask)