Dad in the Middle » Parenting

TOGETHERVILLE.COM (A Dad in the Middle Review)

Wayne — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 13:00:52 +0000

This site has been known as Dad in the Middle for quite some time now. It is a name which causes some confusion, but it is based on my position as a father, and a more specifically a Christian father, who is stuck in the middle of what I used to be before Christ and what God is turning me into. As the father of four in a technological age, one of my constant struggles is to keep track of what my kids are doing online. As a Christian Dad in particular, I face the added struggle of explaining to my kids why they are not allowed to do “what everyone else is doing.” As a Dad in the Middle of it all, I appreciate resources that help me in that endeavor, and today I am going to review one such resource. Togetherville.com provides kids under the age of 13 a fun and engaging alternative to Facebook.

The Problem / The Need

Every good product serves a need or solves a problem. Here is the problem we are going to talk about today – Facebook has become a bit of an institution in our society. More and more people join every day, and that means more and more kids are exposed to Facebook every day. And let’s face it, Facebook is fun! It’s fun to connect with people, there are plenty of cool games to play, and keeping up on trendy things is just generally fun. That means kids will also want to be involved, and the problem for them is that Facebook does not allow pre-teens to be members. In reality, I do not actually view the fact that pre-teens are not allowed on Facebook as a “problem” because I don’t think most kids under 13 should be on Facebook to begin with, but it does present a problem from the kids’ standpoint as they increasingly desire to enjoy the same internet driven social networking that their parents and friends are using. For parents who have signed their kids up for Facebook when they are not yet 13, there was an interesting discussion on CMConnect.org about the implications of allowing kids to lie about their age in order to obtain access to the site. That alone should give us pause for concern as Christian parents.

The Solution

Fortunately, there is a great new Facebook alternative called Togetherville.com which was designed specifically for kids. It allows kids to experience all the benefits of Facebook (games, videos, social networking) in a safe environment which is totally controlled by their parents. I’ve signed my kids up, and they love it. Togetherville is a social networking site designed specifically for kids. Here is what Togetherville has to say about it’s product:

In Togetherville, children learn much more than computer skills. They learn how to use technology to connect with the important people in their lives – safely. And those important people show them how to act responsibly online. Whether a parent, aunt, grandparent or family friend, take this role seriously and participate in the online neighborhoods of kids in your life.

How Does it Work? How Do I Get Started?

Parents sign in to Togetherville using their Facebook account. Once signed in, a parent can create an account for each of their children. While parents use their Facebook username and password to sign in, children never actually interact with Facebook when using Togetherville. Each child is given a unique username and a password that allows them to sign in to Togetherville. Both the username and password are determined by the parent. Parents set up and maintain total control of their kids’ online profiles and friends.

An Explanation of Togetherville Friends

The idea of friends in Togetherville works very similarly to Facebook. Kids can see what their friends are doing, what they’ve posted and interact with them online. There are two dsitinct differences from Facebook though. First, friends are limited to those people specifically approved by parents. As far as I can tell, the only people your kids can choose to have as friends are your friends from Facebook, and their kids to the extent that they have registered them for Togetherville. In other words, if someone is your friend on Facebook (and has joined Togetherville), you can add that person as your child’s friend. If those Facebook friends of yours have added their own children to Togetherville, you can also add those kids as your children’s friends (and your own friends as well). So, my children and I are all friends with a number of my nieces and nephews because I am friends with their parents. If I haven’t muddled that explanation too much, the other major difference between friends in Togetherville and on Facebook is that your interactions (comments, statuses, gifts, etc.) are limited to a set of messages pre-approved by Togetherville. Unlike Facebook, you do not have unlimited options when it comes to setting your status or leaving comments. That way, you don’t have to worry about your child reading anything inappropriate on Togetherville.

What can you do on Togetherville?

In addition to just having friends, there are a number of additional things you can do on Togetherville. Rather than re-create the wheel, here is what the Togetherville site has to say about its other activities (I borrowed their graphics as well – I assume they won’t mind).

Play Games – Super fun or super educational, Togetherville games are kid-size and ad free. Kids can save their favorites, earn points by playing, and see how they rank against their friends!

Create Artwork – Self-expression is an important part of being a child. In Togetherville, kids can design logos, cards and collages to display on their profile or share with friends and family.

Watch Videos – Kids have fun (and maybe even learn a thing or two!) checking out videos from The Electric Company to stop-motion animation! All video content is pre-screened to be safe and age-appropriate!

Say “Hi!” – Drop-down text messages, called “quips”, express thoughts and feelings and allow kids to safely comment on each others’ game scores and creative work and send messages to grownups. Kids can even suggest their own for future use.

Here is what I can tell you about each of these activities based upon my own experience and that of my kids. The games are a hit – plain and simple! My kids were mostly interested in Facebook in the first place for the games, and they have found Togetherville to be suitable replacement. I haven’t had a chance to play any of them myself, but they look fun from peering over my kids’ shoulders. My daughter loves crafts. She always has, and she loves the artwork feature of Togetherville. Kids get to create their own masterpieces and send them to their friends. I can always tell when my daughter has been on Togetherville because I get a copy of her latest artwork. As a parent, I have the option of showing off those works of art on my own Facebook wall. The videos on Togetherville are a nice alternative to sites like YouTube because they have been filtered, and you can rest assured that they are age appropriate.

How much does Togetherville cost?

Oh, that’s the great part. It’s free! I did notice that there is now an allowance feature where you can buy “T-Bills” to give to your kids as an allowance. Although I’ve not had an opportunity to explore these new “T-Bills” (the feature wasn’t active when I did my research for this review), it appears that these T-Bills may unlock additional features for the site. While I wish the entire site were free, I understand the need to make some money off of this endeavor, and I actually appreciate that they went this route rather than include a bunch of advertising on the site geared towards kids.

Would I Recommend It?

I would, and have, recommend it to parents and pre-teen kids. Thus far, a number of my nieces and nephews have joined the site which only adds to the fun for my kids. Rather than viewing social networking as evil, I think we, as parents, must embrace it as part of our kids’ future. Togetherville is a fun, and safe, way of allowing our kids to explore that world while still under our protection. And, it seems to me, that is exactly what our job as parents is. As a parents, I also appreciate that the people at Togetherville have not created a site intended solely for kids to retreat from their family life. Instead, Togetherville encourages parents and kids to interact in a way which does not replace traditional interaction but supplements it. Togetherville is still a relatively new entity, and I do not know what the future holds, I hope that it takes off like Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites. For now though, I wholeheartedly and unashamedly recommend it.

FAITHWEAVER PARENT CLASS (A Dad in the Middle Review)

Wayne — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 13:00:27 +0000

The Bible is clear that the principle responsibility for the spiritual development of children lies with parents. In children’s ministry, and as a church, we must work to encourage and equip parents in this role. To that end, Group Publishing has developed a small group curriculum that engages both parents and children. The press release accompanying this curriculum explains:

The new small group curriculum, which launches this fall in churches around the country, is part of Group’s FaithWeaver^® line of resources, which includes classes for all ages and has been successfully used in more than 25,000 churches nationwide since 1999. While parents are attending their small group, their children attend classes designed for them. Each week, everyone studies and discusses the same Bible point at an age-appropriate level.

“For example,” says [Christine] Yount Jones [executive editor of Children’s Ministry magazine], “one week the children might learn how they can rely on God. At the same time, the parents are taught how to help their children rely on God. Parents learn how to do this in practical ways and share ideas with other parents in their group. Now they can go home and weave faith teaching into their children’s lives throughout the week, focusing on this particular area.”

The curriculum for this fall includes topics like selfishness versus selflessness, showing kindness, seeking wisdom, faithfulness and relying on God. Each quarter, Group will release a new similarly formatted curriculum with a new set of Bible points. I am a big fan of much the Group Publishing puts out, and I was excited to review this new curriculum.

The “Bible Point” of the sample lesson I reviewed was “We can rely on God.” Each lesson includes a FaithWeaver Parent Leader Guide ($9.99) and a FaithWeaver Parent Handbook ($5.29). The Parent Class is based on the same verses and principles taught throughout the FaithWeaver series. This puts parents on the same page of their kids thereby equipping them to be a spiritual leader in their own homes.

In addition to the Parent Leader Guide and Parent Handbook, the sample I was provided also included the teacher’s guide and student books for Pre-K & K and Grades 3 & 4 to allow me to review how the different classes work together.

The Parent Lesson is presented in the following sequence:

Getting Started
Bible Exploration
Weaving Faith Into Families

The Leader Guide includes additional background on the Bible lesson for that week to help leaders learn the story and spend some time reflecting with God on the lesson.

The Getting Started portion of the lesson focuses on getting parents in small groups discussing their children. For example, in this lesson parents are divided based on the age of their kids and asked to discuss times when their kids need to rely on something and in what areas their kids most need to rely on God. The Leader in these groups serves much more as a facilitator than a teacher. Their principal role is to get parents talking in their small group and guide them to specific questions in the parent handbook to discuss.

The Bible Exploration section of the group encourages parents, within their small groups, to read the Bible verse and discuss it amongst themselves. Parents are also asked to consider and discuss how the verses relate to their family. The “Weaving Faith Into Families” section of the lesson is a “hands-on” activity driven portion of the class. In the sample I was provided parents were blindfolded and made to rely on their partner to guide them and paired up to participate in some role playing to help them remember a method for encouraging their kids to rely on God. The parent handbook also includes some background on the week’s lesson, discussion questions, a place for parents to take notes, faith talk starters, and suggestions for prayer starters.

I believe that the strengths of this class include:

It equips parents to discuss the week’s lesson with their kids.
It integrates well with the lessons for kids of all ages.
It is highly driven by conversation and small groups which will help participants to build relationships with other parents. The benefit of that can last well past the individual lesson.
It forces parents to actually participate. This is a great feature for those of us who tend to cower in the corner during small group times.
The point of the lesson each week is clear.
It includes a different Bible story each week for parents to discuss.

There are some weaknesses to this curriculum as well (Note: these are based on my review of one sample lesson and may not be representative of the whole curriculum):

I thought the parent class (at least for the lesson I reviewed) was very light on Bible. While the point is certainly Biblical, that we should rely on God, I felt like the Bible story itself seemed a little downplayed.
While I think this curriculum will allow parents to discuss the lesson where there kids, I am not certain that it will allow parents to take their kids deeper into the lesson.

You can get more information about the whole FaithWeaver series at http://sundayschool.group.com/faithweaver. While there, you can register to receive a free sample of the Parent Leader Guide and you can review it for yourself.

In the interest of full disclosure, I was provided a free sample copy of a sample lesson for purposes of completing this review. That has not in way impacted the content of this review.

CM TeleSummit – Why Family Ministry Is Not an Option – Rob Rienow

Wayne — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 16:54:32 +0000

Here is my next installment of notes from the CMTelesummit.

Talk from D6 conference
VisionaryParenting.com
Rainer – What percentage of people who say they’re Christian and can explain the basics of the gospel?
- Before 1946: 65%
- Between 1946-1964: 35%
- Between 1965-1976 15%
- Between 1976-1994: 4%
Evangelism and discipleship in crisis, and it’s a generational crisis
Not a crisis of the church, but a crisis of the home
Up until 1900, no confusion in church about who’s job it was to pass faith on to kids
Starting in late 1890’s new experiment – age segregated, church building based evangelism and discipleship to kids
- Failed experiment
- New in context of Christian history
- Since 1900, no generation with more faith than their parents
Conclusions
- Key work we have to do is theological
- Three theological foundations
  - The biblical purpose of parenting and grand-parenting is to impress the hearts of children with a love for God.
    - Authentic real community happens in families
    - God’s discipleships groups – called families
  - The biblical purpose of parenting and grand-parenting is to impress the hearts of children with a love for God.
  - God has designed the family as an essential engine of world evangelization through the power of multi-generational faithfulness
    - Families continue to raise up multi-generational followers of God
- Taught up to 1900’s as Theology of Families
If can’t prove it theologically, then it’s just another new idea
Next section of talk is biblical support for three theological foundations. For more info and support, see http://visionaryparenting.com/documents/the%20family%20and%20gods%20plan%20for%20the%20world.doc

CONNECT WITH YOUR KIDS – By Jim Wideman (A Dad in the Middle Review)

Wayne — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Several months ago, I sat down to read Connect With Your Kids by Jim Wideman. The book was so practical and engaging that I finished it in one sitting. Not only that, I wore out a highlighter noting all the quotable passages from the book. Unfortunately, the format of this review will not allow me to share ALL of those. Needless to say though, I think this is a book that any parents, and everyone who works with kids, should move to the top of their reading list.

About the Book

The quip on the back of the book describes its purpose quite clearly:

“With the pressures of everyday life pulling us in all different directions, it can become difficult to connect with your kids. Sure we take them to band practices, pack lunches, drive them to their soccer game, and haul them to church each week…but do we really know our children?”

Jim Wideman has put together a practical resource to help us slow down and ensure that we are establishing the types of connections with our kids that will allow us to disciple them and help them to establish a Biblical worldview.

About the Author

Jim Wideman is a fixture in the Children’s Ministry community as the author of numerous book, a frequent conference speaker, a mentor and a prolific blogger. I’ve made no secret that I am a huge fan of his work. He offers sounds advice in an engaging way, and I was excited to get my hands on this book.

Brother Jim starts this book with a history of how he came to be in children’s ministry in the first place. Years ago, he was working in children’s ministry when he was asked to cover the children’s ministry. He began to pray that God would raise someone up with a vision for the children’s ministry, and much to his surprise, the person God raised up was him. He explains:

“Over the years I’ve tried to quit so many times that it’s not even funny. But I can’t – I just can’t rid of that vision. Ministering to children is the driving force of my life.”

And, thank goodness for that. For decades now, he had spoken into the lives of children and those of us who work with children, and this book is no exception. One of the other things that resonates with me about Jim Wideman is that he is also a father, and by all accounts a very good one. He has two grown girls and unashamedly explains that is he reaches every child in the world but not his own, he will be a failure. As a father of four, this resonates with me.

Brief Review of the Book

Teaching Our Kids to Be Problem Solvers

The first chapter in this book starts by defining the two types of people in this world. There are people who see a problem and wait for someone to solve it – the followers. The second group of people are leaders, and this is the type of person we should strive for our children to be. The book starts with an explanation of what a leader is. Jim offers a great concise definition:

“A leader is a person who comes face-to-face with any type of challenge or problem and solves it. He or she looks to God’s Word for directions and approaches the situation by faith. As a result, this person can handle anything.”

He then proceeds to offers some of the signs to look for in a leader/problem solver:

Choosing your problem
Having the right attitude
Training through adversity
Looking for Biblical examples

As parents, we should strive to teach our kids how to be problem solvers.

Rooting Our Children in the Things of God

From there, he moves into the things we can do as parents to make sure our kids “are established in the things of God.” By doing so, we will give them the tools to make decisions and develop a biblical worldview. As much as I would like to share the details of each of these steps, for purposes of this review, I will just list them. I encourage you to get the book and delve further into each step. With that said, here are the 12 steps Brother Jim offers to root our children in the things of God:

Make Jesus the king of your household
Love your spouse the way you want your kids to love their spouse
Spend time with your kids
Be consistent in discipline
Allow your children to be different as God has created them
Encourage your kids to develop their unique giftings
Become a student of your child’s world
Admit your mistakes and correct it when you’re wrong
Talk to your kids about everything
Make your home somewhere that your kids’ friends are welcome
Don’t teach your children to be rebellious by rebelling against authority yourself
Don’t exasperate your children

What makes this book great is more than just this list. For each items in the list, Jim offers detailed and practical advice on how to accomplish it.

My Recommendation

I have already hinted at it. OK. OK. I’ve already come right out and said it. If you are a parent, or someone who works with kids, you should read this book. If you are in a position in children’s ministry to recommend a book to the parents of kids in your ministry, this would be a great one. Jim Wideman is a great resource when it comes to the things of children’s ministry, and this book proves that he is equally adept at providing advice to parents on raising their kids. Buy this book. Read it. Read it again. Make lists of the suggestions in this book, and find a way to implement them in your own life. If you do, you will be a better parent, a better person and a better follower of Christ.

100 Questions For Talking to Kids

Wayne — Mon, 24 May 2010 17:00:00 +0000

Here is another synopsis of an article which I published over on Ministry-to-Children.com. The article titled TALKING TO KIDS: 100 QUESTIONS TO START A CONVERSATION was published on May 17, 2010.

Brief Synopsis

I love talking to kids! I really do. It just comes naturally, but I know that is not the case for all people. In this article I offer a list of 100 conversation starters in a variety of categories that you can use to start talking to kids.

Click here to read the entire article!

You can find all the articles I’ve published on Ministry-to-Children.com at this page.

I'm watching you Dad

Wayne — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 10:00:11 +0000

I great message for Dad’s and all parents. They’re watching even when you don’t think they see you.